Dear Mum,

Happy Mother's Day from me to you.
I would like to take some time out to thank-you for everything you have ever done for me and my brothers. Without you I wouldn't be the strong person I am today. Without you when I'm sad I wouldn't know what to do. Without you having this cold would be the worst. You have always been the person I look up to the most. You have got so much of your mother in you and I am glad, because that means I will be an incredibly bright, bubbly and independent. You have taught me pretty much everything I know. I know that as a teenager I was not the greatest nor was I always the happiest. But please know, spending my time with you and laughing in the car with you while telling each other about our perfectly crappy days makes me the luckiest daughter in the world. 

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living your baby I'll be. 

xox

Dealing with Loss,

I was 12, I remember the day distinctly and I remember the year like it was just yesterday. I didn't go see her, I couldn't. I couldn't see the best person in my life dying and this is the biggest regret I have ever made and I have cut myself so deeply for ever thinking that not seeing her meant she'd still be here. 

I'm not talking about my mother, I'm talking about my Grandmother. I guess, I've never fully dealt with the loss, I've just always pushed it back. Like not talking about it meant it never happened and admitting I never went to see her meant I was normal. 

Facebook is one of the main reasons why I'm writing this. I just feel like my family has moved on, have dealt with her passing and me, I'm still moving on. I see them post photos on her birthday and say R.I.P on the date she passed away. Then there's me. I can't let myself post that because that means she's never coming back. I need her to come back. 
This year was the first time in 9 years I finally posted a picture, I posted it on instagram and it tore me apart. I bawled. I haven''t fully dealt with this loss and I don't think I ever will. I feel like my life doesn't consist if my favourite person isn't there. I feel like no matter what ahppens I will always be disappointed in myself. Disappointed she can't meet Max. Disappointed she can't see how far I've come. Disappointed I can't go to her grave. Disappointed I never went and saw her. 
This post has taken like 4 tries and each time I end in tears. 
So I'm going to end it here with a song that reminds me of her and makes me cry every single time. 

I will love you forever, R.I.P

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Life Update

Over the past month so much has changed. 

I've cut out soft drink (with exception of Friday night) and I feel so much better after only a week! I've started exercising with my friend twice a week (I would say three times because that's what we made a deal on but we haven't had three times since we started). Although the food is still a problem I need to solve at least I'm starting somewhere. If I can fully cut soft drink for at least a month, I know I will be able to cut such awful things out of my life. 

Always

Saving is going really well (except for Friday as well, opps). Last month I almost saved all of my pay. Which means I can do it and that makes me happy too. 

I haven't let my sadness bother me as much either. If I've found someone or something has made me upset, I walk away and find something else I can focus on, whether that be youtube, tumblr or even just some silly little t.v. show that can take my mind off my life for even a second. 

How is your life going?
I hope your year is going as planned (: 

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It's my party

Hey guys it's Jess! 

This week has been incredibly busy with birthday celebrations for my 20th. I have been having so many times with friends and family that I enjoy having. 

To begin I had dinner with my family the night before my birthday. Mum made me her famous roast dinner and made me butterfly cakes. I just absolutely adore butterfly cakes, they remind me so much of my grandmother. 

There is no photo where my brother will take seriously.

Then on my birthday I woke up early and opened presents with mum and dad before Max came over and spent the whole day with me. My day was pretty leisurely as on Monday everything seems to be shut. But we found somewhere for dinner which was fantastic. 

Mum and I before dinner.

Now the weekend after my birthday I went out and had dinner with my friends from uni and had a really great night chatting and playing the pokies. 

Finally we had lunch with my family since both my aunt and I fall in a week of each other. 

We had to pretend because I had already blown it out.

So now all my celebrations are over I can finally sit down and blog. Also my review section will be back tomorrow! 

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Mind Blank.

Hey guys it's Jess!

This week has been crazy and I just haven't been able to sit down and write something about life but I still have to write something but what is that something I should write about? And my mind went straight to friends (not the tv show, just incase you wondered). I have had my fair share of friends in my 19 years of existence and I must say a lot of them were not worth the time or effort I put into them. I also must point out that there are many cons to being my friend.

Let me elaborate 

Cons;

• I never text you (unless it's for an assignment or I'm picking you up.) I just can't text you. When people text each other they just like bitch and I can't deal with that. 

•  I'm totally emotional. I cry at the drop of a hat (I have gotten better I must say).  

•  I feel really uncomfortable in group situations, mainly because I usually just get talked over or ignored.  

•  I hate walking in groups, I'm always the one left by themselves.  

•  I can be really embarrassing. I once played the penis game with a friend in our final school assembly (next minute the people on stage said how mature we all were. Let's just say we burst into fits of giggles). 

•  I'm a horrible person. When I talk about things or people I'm not always the nicest nor do I do the nicest things. I'm even quiet horrible to you and that's not like my intention it's just the way I have learnt to deal with things. 

•  I talk way too much about stupid stupid things and you will get bored of listening to me. 

• I jump from topic to topic and return to the previous topic about 10 mins later when I think about something. 

That's just HALF of my cons seriously. But after 19 years alive I've had many people tell me I'm stuck with them forever (what a lie was that). After many failed friendships I have found three of the best friends I have ever thought I could get. One of them will forever be the love of my life (friends, we're friends) when we don't speak and speak after a month it feels like we're just starting from where we left off. The second is just my partner in crime, she will forever be the most amazing, stronger person I have ever met. The way she puts up with people is something to just admire and I do admire her. The final is someone who HAS been there for me throughout my entire life. We've never fought but we have totally had our ups and downs together. Most times I'm with her I laugh till I cry and I cannot deal with somethings that come out of her mouth. 

Love of my life

Best girl I've ever come across

(I think it's a little weird I have these types of photos with the two of them)

Forever and a day

So this is just something to say thank-you and just so you all know what you're getting yourself into, seriously (;

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Long weekend blues.

Hey guys it's Jess!

This weekend for Queenslanders is a long weekend and I am allowing it to come with open arms (after my last two weeks of working full time). Since Max has to work for the next two days, due to being the youngest one there, we took the opportunity today to go to the beach and just hang out together. 

I took my Samsung A57 with me and captured some nice photographs with it. 

The water was so perfect today that you could not not swim in it and the rock pools are always my first spot for sighting both fish and crabs. Today on the beach all our little crabs were scattering along quickly, they were all too small to capture however.

Although Max is back at work for the next two days of this perfect long weekend I will still be using my new found time to my best advantage. Starting yoga and swimming everyday to lose a little weight. 

See you soon! 

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