Wayback Wednesday!

It's that time of week again! And yes, in my last post I lied, I was going to post again, but I got busy with uni and things like that. 

Although, it is now time for my Wayback Wednesday. This week at work we have been sorting out archives and they have been going back quiet a way, looking at pictures of people I graduated High School with made me just remember my primary school days. This week I thought it was fitting that we rewind back to 2005 - my final year of primary school (year 7 - age 12). 

This week has been hard for me. While looking at songs that came out in 2005 and I have found so many that I just adored (I may even continue to sing to this day)! 

However I think I have found the perfect song. It's something I (regretfully) say I used to love in 2005 and I really shouldn't have. I think it was just a "you're a rebel" stage which obviously didn't work. But I still sing this to my boyfriend today and I know every single word. 

This week - My Humps - The Black Eyed Peas. 

See you soon! 

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Dealing with Loss,

I was 12, I remember the day distinctly and I remember the year like it was just yesterday. I didn't go see her, I couldn't. I couldn't see the best person in my life dying and this is the biggest regret I have ever made and I have cut myself so deeply for ever thinking that not seeing her meant she'd still be here. 

I'm not talking about my mother, I'm talking about my Grandmother. I guess, I've never fully dealt with the loss, I've just always pushed it back. Like not talking about it meant it never happened and admitting I never went to see her meant I was normal. 

Facebook is one of the main reasons why I'm writing this. I just feel like my family has moved on, have dealt with her passing and me, I'm still moving on. I see them post photos on her birthday and say R.I.P on the date she passed away. Then there's me. I can't let myself post that because that means she's never coming back. I need her to come back. 
This year was the first time in 9 years I finally posted a picture, I posted it on instagram and it tore me apart. I bawled. I haven''t fully dealt with this loss and I don't think I ever will. I feel like my life doesn't consist if my favourite person isn't there. I feel like no matter what ahppens I will always be disappointed in myself. Disappointed she can't meet Max. Disappointed she can't see how far I've come. Disappointed I can't go to her grave. Disappointed I never went and saw her. 
This post has taken like 4 tries and each time I end in tears. 
So I'm going to end it here with a song that reminds me of her and makes me cry every single time. 

I will love you forever, R.I.P

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Life Update

Over the past month so much has changed. 

I've cut out soft drink (with exception of Friday night) and I feel so much better after only a week! I've started exercising with my friend twice a week (I would say three times because that's what we made a deal on but we haven't had three times since we started). Although the food is still a problem I need to solve at least I'm starting somewhere. If I can fully cut soft drink for at least a month, I know I will be able to cut such awful things out of my life. 

Always

Saving is going really well (except for Friday as well, opps). Last month I almost saved all of my pay. Which means I can do it and that makes me happy too. 

I haven't let my sadness bother me as much either. If I've found someone or something has made me upset, I walk away and find something else I can focus on, whether that be youtube, tumblr or even just some silly little t.v. show that can take my mind off my life for even a second. 

How is your life going?
I hope your year is going as planned (: 

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Have you ever, ever felt like this?

Feeling down or sick can be the worst, not feeling like doing anything except stay in bed and watching your guilty pleasure (mine, it's the OC at the moment, can not get enough!). This weekend has been one of those. 

I've been feeling down, out of it. Like everything I need to get done by the end of the year is drowning me already. I know I have heaps of time for all these things (over 6 months) but I still can't find myself being happy/excited about these prospects. 

Overwhelm?

Why hello there, how has your week been? 

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed by what is happening in your life that you don't know what you should be doing? Well that happened to me this week. I've been so overwhelmed with what I will be expected to do for the next year that I can't think of anything else. Then I become nervous because what if someone doesn't like me? or something that shouldn't happen happens and I don't know how to deal with it. 

After speaking with one of my best friends I figured that this year is a better year to feel these feelings because I'm not meant to know everything and it's part of something I know hardly anything about. 

Now that I have met and spoken with my mentor I have started to feel less nervous and overwhelmed. It's also nice that I'm not the only prac student at the school and my best friend is there with me. 

See you next week! (:

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Happy New Year

Yes I am like a week late, but that is ok (: 

I hope you all had a perfect break and are finally back in the swing of things. I am not, let me tell you. I came home from my holidays yesterday and had to work tonight. That is not the point of my post. The point of this post is to write down my resolutions. I'm not one for resolutions usually as they are all generic like 'I want to eat less' etc. and they always fall through. This year however I thought if I publicly announce my resolutions I would have more of a chance to stick with it. I also think I will make a post once a week/every two weeks about my progress on each (stay tuned and see if that sticks) but here are my resolutions:

1. Be healthier, instead of take out lunch, make lunch. Don't eat so much crap when home alone (after I ate half a block of chocolate). 
2. Get fit. I would love to lose weight but just getting fit would be great for me. Even if I just worked out twice a week, I would at least be doing something about it. 
3. Be prepared, this sounds a lot like a Girl Guide (Scout) saying but I want to be more organised for my final year of university and know when things are due and when I have to teach certain classes etc. 
4. Hang out with friends/boyfriend more. I have never spent my free time with people I have always spent it on the internet stalking facebook/tumblr, which is pathetic so this year I vow to see my friends as much as possible. 
5. Get off the internet. As much as I love the internet I need to take myself away. Even if it's just a couple of hours each day

I hope that this year treats you well and I will see you soon!

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University Stress

Hey guys!

You'd think after three years of dealing with being messed around about with emails back and fourth to lectures and them saying they aren't getting it or something else going wrong I would be used to this. Well, I'm not and I would like to say a big frick this to you. After waiting and waiting and waiting to find out about something for my final year, everyone else in my year finds out A WEEK AGO. I got an email saying 'you should find out early next week'. Look at that early next week has been and gone and still no email to say 'here's the information you need'. Also add to that the stress of thinking I would be where I work, which is a total no go, which I said at the very beginning. 

Today I sent an email, asking if they had heard anything yet. They have not and will look into it on Monday. The thing is I start a prac on Monday and all the schools I will be going to close by the time this prac finishes so, what I am meant to do now? I know that the university is being really annoying because of cut backs and term etc. But just someone updating me every now and then would be nice. 

/rant

See you next week! 

Jess Reviews.. McBusted

O hey there!

Busted

My love for McFly and my love for Busted is just incredible. I could just like knock about everyone who says they don't like McFly right in the face just so I could see them live. This week came with a huge announcement by both bands, McBusted. 

Hello Perfection! McFly

Now my love for both bands is incredible as I said above and I mean having them appear at your 10 year anniversary shows because if it wasn't for them you wouldn't be a band. I mean I found that adorable and I could like squeeze them all. But after 2 songs, you get a bit bored. It's Busted, split up Busted with perfect perfect McFly. I may also be a bit jealous of everyone who ever gets to see these two bands but I just.. I feel like this is a massive publicity stunt to make people listen to McFly more. Their music is perfect and I know it doesn't get recognized as the band they are instead as 'pop boyband' but putting two members from another band in is just money hungry to me. 

McBusted when they announced a tour